chat with a banana

me: u there banana?

Sent at 6:44 PM on Monday

me: banana!

nanners?

oh banana

why banana must banana banana?

banoonoos!

beaner

black boy

jk, banana

where are youuuuuuuu???

banana?

banobo?

baninski

banana

banana

banana?

are you there banana?

fuckin banana

alright

play it your way, BANANA

you probably have bananas in your eyes and ears

i wouldnt doubt it

wouldnt doubt it for uno segundo

fuckin banana

you know what, banana?

thats what!

hahahahahaha

gotcha, banana

hey, when you get done with those bananas, do me a favor and let me know if you have that picture of me that i drew where im sitting at my computer playing poker like a loser--might use that for the 7" art

but don't think i'll forget this

ya dirty fuckin banana

byenana

Sent at 6:51 PM on Monday

fudge

fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck

gchat conversation between me and bo

4:13 PM niyno: hey dude

9 minutes

4:23 PM me: yo u there?

4:24 PM niyno: ya mon

4:25 PM me: how are ya?

5 minutes

4:30 PM niyno: hey dogg

me: u there?

4:31 PM niyno: yeah are you?

me: yeah

Now you can shoot ducks

Unforgivable

If you enjoyed this, on youtube there is also a #2, #3, #4, and #5....

Me and Meric gChat conversation: Part II

12:34 PM me: life

12:35 PM Meric: pop life

12:38 PM me: sushi?

Meric: tonight?

12:39 PM is that a promise?

12:41 PM HELLO

you don't say sushi and then leave a fag out to dry

12:45 PM me: tonight? sure

12:46 PM Meric: woo hoo!

sushi!

me: relax, i was kidding

Meric: fucker

World of Warcraft Freakout

Chris, I can't thank you enough for introducing me to this.

This guys pretty cool

Gay Marriage -- Is It Right???

Loose Skull

miniature horse

Allergies

Saturday

It's 10:20am and I'm still in bed. I woke up at 8:30am. It's supposed to be 80 degrees today. I want to get out of bed before it gets to be 80 degrees, but I can't think of a reason to. Oh well. I'll check in later if I'm still in bed.

Joan Rivers Hates Poker Players

Bitch.

JACKPOT!!!!!!!!!

This delightful young man is named Chris Chandler. In his free time, he enjoys drawing comics of himself having sex with Sonic the Hedgehog.





Someone needs to throw Chris's parents (surely he must live with his parents) in jail for having ever given him a computer and allowing these videos to exist online. Apparently, the poor guy gets a TON of shit from little fuckers without consciences who repeatedly pretend to be online girlfriends and ask him to send them pictures of himself in diapers or putting toys in his ass. What a world we live in. Pat yourself on the back God.

girls in a row

Anna emailed me two pictures today:


She said she image-googled asian girls in a row and then white girls in a row.

Precious Princess

i was gonna post this picture, but it gets cropped cuz blogger.com kinda sucks for posting decent sized pictures. and this needs to be seen in its full sized glory. so just follow the link and click the magnifying glass to enlarge the pic. or don't. not a big deal either way. there will definitely be better, more interesting posts in the future. well, not definitely. likely?
http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/20747.jpg
i found this picture doing a google image search for precious princess. why was i image googling precious princess? i honestly don't know. my fingers just typed precious princess into the search and next thing i knew, i had image googled precious princess.

Kathy Ireland

I used to be in love with Kathy Ireland. As a young boy discovering my manhood, I gazed nightly at a poster of her in a bikini on my wall.

Shine

I don't feel well.
I thought this video would help, but it didn't.

Kudzu

There's a plant called Kudzu in the south. Abandoned houses and buildings get totally engulfed.



This is a house in downtown Clayton, GA:


Elijay, GA. Summer 2007:

same house, January 2008:


This is an abandoned store in Gainesville, GA:



The seasons of Kudzu:

This all came from a cool website: Kudzu Covered Houses

This Lady

Most people have already heard about this, but since my readers tend not to read newspapers I thought I'd post about this lady, Connie. Her husband blasted her face off with a shotgun and then turned the gun on himself in 2004. They both survived. He got 7 years in prison. She got a free face-transplant.
Apparently, Connie was at a mall pre-face-transplant and a kid said to his mother "But you said there were no such thing as monsters in real life." Connie approached the child and said, "I am not a monster. I got shot in the face." True story.

Foods

I'm opening up a new restaurant. It will be very expensive and the menu will have only 2 items:

Hamburger in a can

and Chicken in a can




We will provide a can opener at each table.

This movie rules

It's called Hausu, or House for my English speaking readers, and it was made in 1977.

G-Chat with Meric

5:25 PM me: if you want to hang out youre going to have to stop ignoring me

sorry--its just a fact

10 minutes

5:36 PM me: you know what i mean?

6 minutes

5:42 PM me: meric, you konw what i mean?

whoops, i wrote konw when i meant to write know

whoops, i typed wrote when i meant to type typed

5:43 PM the first mistake was a spelling error; the second, improper verb

:)

5:44 PM its funny how people often use the word wrote or the word write in reference to the act of typing on a computer

i guess the computer age kinda snuck up on everybody a little bit, didn't it?

didn't it?

5:45 PM did it or didn't it?

ah hell, i guess it don't matter none neither way

5:46 PM when i'm right i'm right

but when i'm wrong, perhaps i'm just right in disguise! lol

i should get a t-shirt made with that motto or saying rather

5:47 PM shoot, probably make a million right then and there straight off of that simple idea

did you know that 95% of all wealthy californians made their fortunes off of some hairbrained idea that they just followed their guts with and said to hell with what anybody else wants to say and just went ahead and showed the world whos boss?

5:48 PM i love that about california

that, and the cheese!

california cheese: got milk? lol

5:49 PM no no, wait, check this out: california cheese: GOAT milk?

hahahahahahahaha

whoops, did IIIIIIIIII do that? ;)

imagine that said in a steve urkel voice

5:50 PM did IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII do that??? ;)

god, that show with urkel, family matters, was just one of many shows i watched as a child

golden girls

3s company

family ties

clarissa explains it all

5:51 PM family matters

family's tie

hahaha, gotcha with that one!

Newsom made som news

Mayor Gavin Newsom announced his bid for governor today via the smash web hit TWITTER!

I'm So Excited

This is what life is like for me

Three Men and a Baby Ghost

During the filming of the family comedy Three Men and A Baby, production was delayed because of a tragedy that occurred in the apartment meant to portray the apartment of the three men. The little boy that actually lived there with his parents shot himself with his father's gun one Saturday afternoon. Filming in the apartment was delayed for one week, but eventually the remaining apartment scenes were shot without a hitch. However, during the editing of the film the editor noticed the image of a boy in the background of one of the scenes and asked the director why they shot the scene with a little boy standing in the background. Neither the director nor the actors nor anyone on the crew had seen any little boy on the set that day.

Tattoos I'm Getting

Last season, armpit tattoos were all the rage:

The idea here is that the armpit hair is made to look like the pubic hair on a woman's crotch. Unlike the hair which grows from the top of the head and tends to be more silky in texture, armpit hair and pubic hair have a similarly wiry quality, enabling the startling effect of this optical illusion.

This summer's hottest trend will surely be bellybutton tattoos:





I'm mostly leaning towards getting this one:

Mel Gibson is getting old

Boy, Mel Gibson is getting old.

Remember when he was in Die Hard or Police Academy or whatever the fuck that movie he was in with that black dude whos house got blowed up while he was sitting on the toilet?

Charles Manson

Nick Vujicic

Thanks Bo!

Rules for Men to Live By

Is it weird how I capitalized the R in Rules and the M in Men and the L in Live and the B in By but not the f in for nor the t in to? Seems weird, so I was wondering.
Anyway, I was reading Men's Health magazine (you gotta read this magazine if you're as into male fitness as I am) and I came across a list titled "40 Unwritten Rules to Live By." A lot of the rules were dumb or boring or lame but I thought I'd share a few choice rules with you:

7. Pointedly praising something unusual a person owns or has done will make you appear far smarter in his eyes than a 10-minute discourse on world events.

15. Easy on the mayo!

16. Be careful about publicly discussing your hobbies, as most hobbies strike people as somewhat pathetic: most notably, collecting stamps, coins, or anything else, bird-watching, bowling, rockhounding, spelunking, table tennis, poetry, dog shows, chat rooms, polka music, yoga, herpetology, marathon running, and religion. The only hobbies you can safely own up to when among people you need to impress are fly-fishing and golf.

18. Never wear clothing that your coworkers avoid—the bow tie, the suspenders, the green suit. While you might think you're expressing your individuality, your colleagues will perceive it as a rejection of their group culture; you'll become a person who probably can't be trusted.

19. Do not bring lunch to work.

40. The person who sincerely says to you, "I want to get to know you better," is a person you don't want to know at all.

Did anyone notice I discovered the italic option this post?

Flamer

Actually, while you're at it, rewatch each of those flaming shots videos. You can skip the last one this time.

Martika - Toy Soldiers (Reminder)

It's 2:13 am. Just rewatched the video for Martika's Toy Sodiers. Scroll down the page, its definitely worth a rewatch. And if you haven't watched it yet, watch it twice. Actually, watch it 3 times. It's one of those things, ya know? You know. (Ya know)

Flaming Shots

A Neat Little Site

A great way to make some extra income in these difficult financial times. (Link)

OJ Ain't Guilty

Watch and learn, whiteys.
I took a girl on a date to the Roxie theater to watch this about a year ago. We were the only ones in the theater that sat through the whole thing.

Creepy, Spinetinglingly, Real Story

This is one of the craziest things I've heard of. Truly makes my skin crawl. Wikipedia Link: The Dyatlov Pass Incident

Here are some photos that were developed from the cameras found on site, taken only one day before: Photos

Life can be Confusing

Life can be confusing and I'll tell you why.
Because the tone and range of posts on this blog oscillate so wildly, readers can become confused about WHY exactly some posts are posted. WHAT exactly am I getting at in each particular post? Is this one meant to be funny? In what way is it meant to be funny? Is the reader to take a certain post at its face-value funniness or does he/she (all my readers are hermaphrodites) laugh for less obvious reasons? Does he/she laugh AT ALL?
Life can be confusing.
But we're all in it together.
Shit ain't always funny. Or it is, but its just kinda funny. Or whatever.
I just post stuff. Some of which is better/funnier/interestinger than other stuff. So fuckin what. I'm not being defensive, maybe you're being defensive, motherfucker.

Martika - Toy Soldiers

I've been posting too many videos lately, huh?
Dang.
Oh well.

Babetastic Catch

For my single guy friends out there...

Don't let this sweetheart get away.

Very Important

Check out this link: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApsLeUPJLRBxLie88H2PVcbsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071003200856AAzzyAS
Read the posted answers.
This makes me feel so weird. I don't think anythings ever been soooooo sad and sooooo funny to me. Help.

Neighbors

Tommy Wiseau is at it again, this time with a loveable bunch of building tenants in his newest project, the television sitcom NEIGHBORS.

Keep your fingers crossed that one of the networks is smart enough to snatch this puppy up quick!

And if you haven't seen it yet, check out Wiseau's "dark comedy" masterpiece, THE ROOM.

Civil War Dinosaurs

Just wanted to give a heads up: there were pterodactyls still flying around as soon as 150 years ago. These photographs are proof:

Who knew?

Let's recap: You can post PICTURES to your blog, you can post VIDEOS to your blog, you can post LINKS to your blog, you can post PICTURES to your blog, and you can even post a VIDEO to your blog...

But can you make a difference with your blog?

Thousands of people are making a difference every single day with their blogs!

There are blogs that teach people to grow their own food, to defend themselves against rapists, to cook the food that they've grown, and even to surf. There are blogs that discuss politics, blogs that prove points, blogs that argue against the very points that other blogs pointed out. There are blogs for Native Americans. There are even blogs for people who speak different languages.
Heck, there are blogs all around the world!
So yes, of course a blog can make a difference. In fact, a blog can CREATE a difference.
Thanks for reading!

Czech this out, its the BOMB

One Sunday morning in the Czech Republic, viewers of a TV weather channel, which showed video from throughout the region, were terrified by footage of what appeared to be a nuclear blast. A group of prankster hackers replaced some video footage with their own tape creation. I woulda pooped in my pants.

Atomic Bomb Reenactment

This shit is hellsa cray cray.

The Battered Woman

This piece, in four parts, was created by Reh Dogg. I intend to show you more of his work in later posts. Enjoy!

Donnie Saxe

I haven't taken this record out of my walkman all week. Donnie Saxe's soothing voice and funky beats remind me of brighter days--days before Barak Obama stole the election and the discovery of life on Antarctica. If you're ever feeling like putting an end to your sad failure of a life, pop on Saxe's Something Worth Living For and put the gun down. Now pick the gun back up and aim it at an animal.

Tony G

Possibly the biggest dick in poker.

Edward Furlong Part II: I'm gay

I mentioned before that I looked up to Eddie, and how I wanted to look like him and have his same haircut, but I don't feel like I properly conveyed how badly I actually wanted to BE him. My haircut was wack and I didn't have an army jacket but I did have a redheaded best friend who was actually very similar to Eddie's best friend in T2. We didn't have dirtbikes, but sometimes when we skateboarded around town I pretended that I WAS Eddie Furlong and that my buddy, Sean, was Eddie's friend. I really did.

Edward Furlong

as a child i always looked up to edward furlong. i even brought in one of my mom's people magazines with a photograph of eddie in it to the barbershop to point out what kind of haircut i wanted. (the haircut i received looked nothing like eddie's cut--it required hairspray and was kind of slicked back.) well, my dream finally came true: now me and eddie could be twins...

SON OF A BITCH

WHY IS THE LAYOUT OF MY BLOG SO SCREWED UP?????? ALL THE PICTURES ARE CROPPING ALL HERKY JERKY

:(

>:(

Swear to god, I used to have this mask.

Bistro Burger

Bistro Burger Pros:
Free all you can eat BBQ Sauce
Free all you can eat Ranch Dressing
Free all you can eat Pickle Slices
Pretty good Hamburger Buns

Bistro Burger Cons:
Idiotic Register Workers
Moronic Managers
Eggspensive Prices
Tasteless Cheese
Tasteless Avocado
Skimpy French Fry Portions

You do the math, princess.

Britney Spears

Rumor has it that Britney Spears has been getting FRISKY with yet another of her backup dancers! K-Fed wasn't enough??? Apparently she's been cozying up to and 69ing with a fellow whom daddy does not approve. Britney, seriously: WHAT AAAAAAAARE YOU THINKING? (The answer to that question: she isnt)

Miley Cyrus

Speaking of crabs

Theres this kind of crab you might not have heard of called the Coconut Crab, because they climb palm trees to fetch coconuts to eat. Their pinchers are so big and strong that they can crack right through the stiff, large, throbbing, rock-hard shell of a coconut. They have lungs and live on land--would in fact drown in water. Average lifespan: 80 years. The meat of a Coconut Crab is considered a delicacy and aphrodisiac and, much like the delicate blowfish, often contains fatal levels of poison due to the crab's indiscriminate diet.

crab feed

news

There's been a kidnapping!
Also, buckle up for tax season.

Films

If you haven't checked out this years Academy Award winning films, do yourself a favor and RENT THEM! Bundle up under the covers with your special sweetheart (if you have one), pop up some corn, dim the lights, and blast off to another dimension. If you and your special someone (providing you're lucky enough to have one) choose Slumdog Millionaire, you will be whisked away to provincial India--a land ruled by savages, where even the slightest mistake can cost you your eyes, hands, or life.


Speaking of films, a rather filmworthy disaster struck San Francisco yesterday when a whopping 4.4 earthquake decided to shake things up a little bit and give us all quite a scare. I was sitting at my desk, here at the office, when my phone began vibrating. I stupidly assumed I was receiving a call and reached for my phone, only to realize it weren't not no call, it was an earthquake! As a child I'd been told to dive under a desk in the event of an earthquake and I instinctively did so, my roller wheeled chair shooting out from under me and crashing against the wall. Soon the rumbles mellowed and the hellish shrieks from the ladies in the office next door quieted, so I emerged from my sanctuary. All was chillingly still. In fact, chills ran down my spine. Suddenly my cellphone began to vibrate again. Oh no, was this another earthquake? No, this time it was only my mother calling to make sure I was alright.